The emotional bank account concept was introduced to my by Stephen Covey who talks about it in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, and has had a lasting influence in the way I perceive relationships. It aligns very well with my intuition or feeling of “karma” and though it is not a sales tactic per se I do like this metaphor lot better than concepts like jab-jab-right hook, or Pink’s reciprocity.
quotes
when you turn toward your partner’s bids for connection, you are making a deposit in your Emotional Bank Account. And when you turn away from your partner, you make a withdrawal. Just like a real bank account, a zero balance is trouble, and a negative balance is the real danger zone.
An Emotional Bank Account grows when partners make more deposits than withdrawals. In a six-year follow-up study of newlywed couples, couples who remained married turned toward their partner’s bids for emotional connection 86% of the time in the lab, while those who divorced averaged 33%. The difference between happy and unhappy couples is how they manage their Emotional Bank Account.
There are three key takeaways to help you manage your Emotional Bank Account: To be satisfied in a relationship, couples must focus on increasing deposits (positive interactions) and minimizing withdrawals (negative interactions)
- During conflict: 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction
- During everyday life: 20 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction
sources
https://www.gottman.com/blog/invest-relationship-emotional-bank-account/