NLP at Work: The Essence of Excellence by Sue Knight
Review
Sue’s book on NLP is extensive, covers all the basics of NLP and then some. I’ve attended one of her courses and read this book before attending the second course. I’m really glad I got to practice and learn NLP. The book is filled with examples and stories that help elaborate the theory. It is not light reading, especially because of the excercises that are added to each of the chapters. A definite recommendation for anyone looking to identify and change their own and others limiting beliefs!
NLP at Work
1 What is NLP?
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And it is the combination of “thinking about thinking” and technology that will set the new breed of leaders and independent business owners apart from the rest. T
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Being able to access the previously unknown pieces is sometimes referred to as the magic of NLP. It
2 Thinking patterns
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We can do this as we encounter them; we do not need to research for months in advance. The value of learning NLP is that we use it in real time
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The richness of our internal thinking leaks through into our communication and into the way we influence ourselves and others. Enrich your thinking – enrich your life
3 Filters on your world
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By using similar language patterns you increase the level of trust
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The skill lies in choosing an associated or a dissociated state for a purpose
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Your ability to think about what you really want is known as towards thinking. Your ability to think about what you don’t want is known as away from thinking
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if you have set a specific goal for yourself you could chunk up to more global goals or chunk down to milestones, which you could set along the way.
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Externally referenced people rely on external sources for their evidence of fulfillment.
4 Thinking with your body
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It is the ability to detect body language patterns in this way that is unique to NLP and makes the process of modeling so special and important in the way we learn
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Others may find these people eminently approachable, easy to talk to on any issue, with an obvious advantage in any negotiating, communicating or influencing situation
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typically more than 90 percent of our ability to influence lies outside of the content of what we say
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Most people have two key characteristic states: one when they are aligned and in touch with their unique skills and attitudes, and one when they are out of touch with who they are and their true capabilities.
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Someone who searches for similarity (matching) will seek to be like the person or people they are with in every way they can. They will move like them, dress like them, look like them
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Mismatching externally with others often stems from conflict going on inside the person, and they may indicate this conflict by talking about or experiencing parts of themselves at odds with each other.
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Externally referenced people glance, seeking approval, from key members of a meeting
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Someone who is externally referenced is much more likely to seek feedback than someone who is internally referenced
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Making people aware of their body language can often have the effect of lifting them out of the issue, so that they can take a more dissociated view of what is happening.
5 Enriched communication
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What has Shakespeare’s writing got to do with writing in business today? Everything! What constitutes excellence transcends time
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You can code the writing or speaking style of any great communicator.
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The first example is more likely to engage the listeners’ attention. It uses sensory-specific language
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Language that encourages association is memorable
6 Clean questions
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All of us are watchers – of television, of time clocks, of traffic on the freeway – but few are observers. Everyone is looking, not many are seeing.” Peter M Lesch
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The ability to question and listen in an open and “clean” way is rare, in my experience.
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An example of a clean question is: And… (mirror their words) in what way…?
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Pausing allows the person to integrate their learning
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How often do you jump in and make unhelpful assumptions about another person’s experience?
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Can I ask you what are your thoughts about the future in terms of your work and possible security?” “Well, I’m keen to continue the work I do no matter what age.” “When you say ‘continue’, in what way continue?”
7 Metaphor: The key to the unconscious mind
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metaphor captures the essence of the structure of our experience. Much is reconstructed from what is presupposed. If we experience home as a prison, then this presupposes that there is someone or something that keeps us in that prison
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Pay attention to how rather than what
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The more you learn to acknowledge what your unconscious tells you, the more you will have access to this powerful resourc
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By providing guidance only where it is needed, NLP respects the fact that everyone has all the resources they need to solve their problems.
8 Precision questions
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Precision questions challenge the constraints we put on ourselves
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It is a special relationship Special how?
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Fred needs to improve his presentation skills In what way does he need to improve? People don’t let you make decisions here Which
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It is advisable to have regular exercise According to whom?
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We will be the best company Compared to whom or best in what way?
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I know why you did that How do you know that?
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I am a slow learner On what do you base that?
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haven’t heard from him, he is
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I have never been able to do that Was there ever a time when you could?
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A goal to aim for is to be such an attractive example to others that they want some of what you have. I believe that then and only then do you begin to have permission to facilitate others’ awareness and learning
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, “I must clean my desk.” What sort of feeling do you get when you say this to yourself? 3 Now try on “can do.” For example, “I can learn French.” Or try on “I would really like to…” C
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The more flexibility you have over your language, the more potential influence you have over your experience.
9 Hypnotic language
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EMBEDDED COMMANDS AND QUESTIONS
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Our unconscious mind obeys commands – we seek out the commands in a sentence and ignore the rest. E
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Hypnotic language is a way of being artfully vague
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Some questions contain powerful assumptions
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“Don’t worry, everything is going to be all right,” when probably what they meant to communicate was: “You can put your mind at rest now.”
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We can embed positive or negative commands. Examples of positive commands might be: You can begin to relax
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PRESUPPOSITIONS You may have wondered while reading this how you can use these language patterns in your everyday work
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There is a big difference between asking someone “Can you make a commitment to a next step?” and “What commitment can you make to a next step?”
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You are taking in this information and you are exploring how you can practice these patterns in ways that enhance what you do. In these two examples it is the use of the “and” that has the influence by linking two components of the sentence together
10 Modeling
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If someone can do it, anyone can do it. That is the basis of modeling. We can learn to capture our moments of brilliance, study them, code them, and reproduce them at will
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There is talent behind every behavior, whether we approve of the behavior or not. And with NLP we can access the structure of that talent and reconnect it to new behaviors if we so choos
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Merely the process of studying what we are doing and how we are doing it lifts us to a level of detachment in which we can choose what we do and, more importantly, what we continue to do in the future
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To elicit a strategy, the person you are modeling needs to be doing or reliving the experience you wish to model
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It is the process of what we do that is always valuable, even if the content is not.
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I use the term excellence to mean individuals and organizations who consistently achieve the goals they set themselve
11 Strategies for successful living
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It is our patterns in thinking and behaving that create our response to our circumstances, not the circumstances themselves
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The ability to stand back and recognize our strategies is the ability to transcend limiting states of mind.
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Modeling is the way to discover the essence of excellence
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The key here is not just to ask the person you are modeling. What they think they know and what they really know are two very different things
12 Tap into your inner potential: Anchoring
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feel right now. We
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We need to be able to manage our emotional state
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There is nothing either good or bad, except that thinking makes it so.” William Shakespeare
13 Align yourself: Levels of influence
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The only part of the system on which we can potentially rely is within us. And yet this is the part of the system that for many people lies largely untapped
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The ability to act coherently in the face of complexity, and to do so on an ongoing basis, is the hallmark of a true master.” Michael Lissack & Johan Roos, The Next Common Sens
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We need to learn to shift levels so that we intervene at a different and higher level than the one at which the issue presents itself
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NLP training operates on the philosophy that: People have within them all the resources they need to achieve what they want
14 Write your own lifescript: Beliefs of excellence
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Everyone has a unique perception of the world.
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Everyone makes the best choice available to them at the time they make it.
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There is no failure, only feedback
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Behind every behavior is a positive intention.
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The meaning of the communication is its effect.
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There is a solution to every problem
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We have within us all the resources we will ever ne
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The person with the most flexibility in thinking and behavior has the greatest influence
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Mind and body are part of the same system
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If one person can do it, anyone can do it
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What we recognize in others is true about ourselves.
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Knowledge, thought, memory and imagination are the result of sequences and combinations of ways of filtering and storing information.
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The way to understand is to do
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Nelson Mandela in his famous speech (quoting a poem by Marianne Williamson) said “Who are we to play small?” And yet many of us do
16 Carpe diem: Time
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Where in my life have I had the resource (e.g. confidence) that I would like now?”
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Our language can encourage an associated or a dissociated state
17 Develop a climate of trust: Rapport
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I am only through communication with the other. –Karl Jaspers
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Many people think that rapport is chatting about the weather
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Rapport is influence. As you communicate you engage in a system.
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To continue with appraisal, for a jobholder to accept feedback from his or her manager and vice versa there needs to be rapport.
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Businesspeople who listen with care and skill are still in the minority. The people who have this ability are usually those who generate immense respect and influence
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Listening is the highest form of courtesy
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What would have to be true for you?
18 Negotiate your way through life: Perceptual positions
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Life is infinitely greater than this trifle your heart is attached to and which you have given the power to so upset you.
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Excessive use of 1st position leads to lack of understanding of others
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Excessive use of 2nd position leads to loss of self-esteem
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Excessive use of 3rd position can give an image of being detached and unemotional
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You only have to act “as if” As with all the beliefs, this does not have to be true. You only have to think and act as if it were true
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What might be the unconscious positive intention behind Paul’s behavior toward Pat?
19 Resolving conflict: Parts integration
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People at one with themselves are usually leaders; they attract followers. And we are at a time when we need leaders.
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We need leaders
20 Giving and receiving feedback
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Everyone’s perception is their truth
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What we recognize in others is true for ourselves
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foundation of NLP: it is the structure we hold within that influences our perception and our feelings toward what we experience outside of ourselves
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Feedback isn’t absolute truth but it is truth for the person who is delivering it.” Gene Early
21 High-performance coaching
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NLP is “the study of the structure of subjective experience.” I
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if we simply tell someone what to do we are intervening at a low level
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NLP-based coaching is about the process and not about the content.
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The role of a coach is to help others realize their true potential
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The question presupposes the answer
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Congruence is a state of total rapport with ourselves, when all aspects of who we are and what we are doing are in alignment.
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One of the biggest influences we have as a coach is our belief in the person with whom we are working
22 Heal through humor
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Something happens in our brain when we laugh
LINGUISTIC
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Your words are your life.
Part I The Elements of NLP
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With precision questions you can learn how to generate quality information, the lifeblood of business. P
Part II Model Yourself with NLP
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The ability to choose the best emotional state to suit your circumstances is one of the most powerful and yet most overlooked skills you can have.
PROGRAMMING
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We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. —Aristotle